Deep in Thought- Maki

Laying on his back Maki stared up at the ceiling, as he had been doing so for the past fifteen minutes, not moving, not talking. Only once every thirty seconds would he blink before staring almost hypnotically up at the blank grey ceiling which had been decorated by both himself and Kai. Whilst he chose a few stick on glow in the dark stars and a couple of Harley Davidson posters. Kai had opted for topless women in very skimpy bikini's. But of course Maki had made him put them on his side of the room. Kai didn't object in the slightest. However it was because of that, Maki was now in one of his deep thought moods.

Maki was in a word confused.

He was confused on what it was that he should do; coming to earth had had a big impact on him. Sure he hated most of it. The food was terrible, the designs for most of their vehicles and methods of transportation were pathetic.. Excluding the Harley Davidson, he had indeed said most after all. The human's were some the most infuriating, self righteous, intolerant bunch of narka's that he had seen. With his own people taking the top of the scale.

However there were some humans that weren't so bad. There were some humans that did kind of get what they were. The humans who were campaigning for 'mutant rights' or whatever the hell that was. There were also the humans who opened 'The Pulse' those guys were geniuses. But there was one thing on earth that did cause the young alien to think. Was the wide range of homosexual, bisexual people, and how much more understanding earth was of that compared to his own planet.

Could he act out on his feelings on this planet? And could he press on with his own future?

Those were the two main questions that spiralled around on the young man's mind. Sighing deeply Maki shut his eyes and rubbed at his temples. Lately, he had been frustrated with things, with Kai, with his sister, with how he wasn't sure on wanted. But above everything he was frustrated with himself. He was angry on how he had to be different, how he had to not be physically attracted to girls. He hated how his brother kept trying to shove the nearest pair of melons in his face and he absolutely loathed how society made it out to be such a bad thing, if it didn't then he could just march right downstairs, look his mother in the eye and declare that he is gay without a care in the world.

His mother..

He sighed heavily at that, rolling onto his side Maki opened his eyelids halfway so that he was now staring aimlessly at the wall. His mama. Words could just not come close to describing how much he wanted to just tell her tell her that he was a homosexual, tell her that he wasn't ashamed to be it, that he was sorry that he couldn't give her the grandchildren she wants and above all, he was sorry that he wasn't a good enough son for her.

He knew without a doubt that his mama wouldn't take it well. Not at all, all their lives she had told them that they were all to do two things, to get married and to give her grandchildren. Everyday all of them, Loki and Brolli excluded were asked 'when are you going to bring home a nice young girl'  or in Kai's case 'when will it be when you become an honest boychik and stop leading around so many poor young girls!?'. He couldn't help but crack a small at that second one.

Sometimes his brother could be a complete and utter ass, and by  sometimes he really meant most times. Kai  was what the earthers called a 'manwhore' he slept around with at least 10 women a week, and that was on a bad week. He didn't get how lucky he was, he could go around and act out on his feelings unafraid, uncaring on what anyone else thought. But it was because Maki wasn't interested or as he often told his brother 'just not ready' for women that Kai practically shoved them down his throat, or rather down his crotch.

As far as Kai was probably concerned that if his partner in crime, the dynamic part of his duo was not dripping with young beautiful women it made him look bad, it made him appear that he was hanging out with a loser, or better yet he was related to this loser, making him a loser. And to call Kai a loser guaranteed two things, a severe knee in the crotch, and a demonstration of just how much of a winner he was. Which for Maki meant Kai showering and shoving girls right, left and centre at him.

Inhaling through his nostrils Maki contemplated on what would happen if he came out to his family. Would the rest of them accept him? Would they respect him? Or would they mock him, exile him or disown him completely. Exhaling softly the young red skinned alien frowned sadly when he realised that although it pained him greatly to admit it, that the last possibility was probably the most realistic one.  It was bad enough that they were regarded as a family of outcasts in most if not all planets. But for Maki to announce to them that he was a homosexual would turn them from a family of outcasts into a family of freaks.

Clamping his eyes shut he blocked out the rest of those thoughts with a few shakes of his head. No. No he couldn't do that to them, they had been through so much already. Facing extreme ridicule, discrimination and trying so hard to act as though it didn't hurt. That it didn't pain their parents to try and raise their children to be proud of their heritage when their own people spat on them.

With a slightly shuddering breath Maki opened his now slightly glazed eyes he painfully gazed at the textured wall beside him, his mind drifting off, beginning to think of the future that he could just never possibly have.

To just simply, completely and  utterly care free in life, to not have to worry about what anyone else thought of him, to be accepted for who he was, regardless of his heritage, despite the fact that he didn't have the most lasting patience. But above all things, the one thing he wanted more than anything else, was  to have the unconditional love of someone. To never have to be anything for them other than who he was.

And it was just like that, alone in his room, curled up slightly that Maki, the tough strong Maki, began to quietly sob in the darkness, grieving over the loss of something he had never had, nor would he ever get.